Controlling the Uncontrollable...is that even a word?

So, a lot has been going on with me the past week. I had a scare with a person checking out my blog and linking to several pictures of one of my children...just one...not any others, just one. It totally freaked me out. I called a good friend right then and had her help me go private. I went to work the next day and had another good friend spend most of the morning and early afternoon working on my laptop from home and my computer at work, trying to find all the information I could about the individual checking out my child. I know that it was most likely just an innocent encounter...but all I could think about was, "what if this isn't innocent...what if their is somebody out there that is fixated on my child." I was a wreck that entire day. I couldn't think straight. I had all the "worst case" scenarios going on in my mind.

Right now I want to give an extra loud shout-out to two amazing women...Josi Russell for helping me figure out my blog, and Marcy Pratt for "wasting" an entire morning helping me out (and she is so stinkin' busy...I know this was a major sacrifice for her). Isn't it great that we live in a community where people are so willing to share their talents and skills to help those of us that are so pathetic?!?!
Anyways, back to my story...later that evening I went to a class that I have been attending for several weeks. This class is helping me figure out who I really am, verses who I think I am supposed to be...anyone out there who has ever had to deal with me, knows this is a major issue for me. I have many expectations for myself...a number of which are unrealistic! While at this class I decided to talk to the instructor about this particular incident. He was great to talk me through an exercise to help put my feelings on paper. While doing this exercise, it occured to me why I was so anxious...

I was trying to control the uncontrollable!

When I first started blogging, I was advised to go private, but I thought, seriously, nobody would hurt me. People are generally good...freaky things only happen to others. Well, all these things started coming back to me. I started asking myself so many things...why hadn't I listened? Why did I worry more about offending others than the safety of my children? Good mothers would know how to protect their children...good mothers would think about their children before their own wishes and desires. In the midst of all this doubt, a peace came over me. I could only control so much. I had taken every step I knew how...I made my blog private (maybe I should have started that way, but I didn't and what was done was done)...I took steps to erase my caches (a term I did not know before this incident)...I contacted the police...I reviewed with my children the dangers out their (not in a paranoid way, just a review)...then, I PRAYED!!!
I realized that I could not control the uncontrollable. I have my agency...I can make choices for myself, but others have their agency, too. And, that agency may result in unpleasant events in the lives of others, but, if for some unthinkable reason, the agency of someone else, harms someone I love, I have the knowledge that there is a comfort available to help me and those I love through ANYTHING!!!

The Savior is my anchor in this crazy life of mine. He sacrificed and hung on that cross so that I may be whole again. He gave the ultimate sacrifice so that I don't have to try to control the uncontrollable. He is the only one who has complete control. He is the only one who can heal any wound and create peace in any situation. He is the reason I was finally able to sleep. The night I finally knelt in prayer and asked him to take the control, I actually slept!

I have decided that I have done all that I know how...the rest is up to Him. Who knows what life has in store for any of us, but I know that no matter what happens, He is there. He is my peace and my comfort. He, like my earthly brothers, is here to help me through any trial I may face. He is here to wrap his arms around me and those I love. He is the light and the life. He is my source! I am so grateful for this knowledge.
As a little side note...although I know that He is there for me, I am still freaked, so my blog will remain private. I hope this does not discourage you from reading or keeping in touch. I am happy to share this blog with anyone wanting an invite...I just need to know who is here. I would say sorry, but I am a MOM first, and I can't be sorry when I am trying to protect my children. I love you all and appreciate your patience with me! I am truly blessed in my life!!!